What's hardest with your kids right now?
Four quick questions, about a minute. Get one thing to try tonight. Free, no email needed.
What would you most like help with?
Want this in your inbox? Optional.
What the eight emails are
- Today: what you picked and tonight's suggestion, to keep.
- Tomorrow: a simple way to look back on how it went, and one more thing to try.
- Day two: the short apology from day 3 of the program, word for word, and what the program costs.
- Day three: a whole day of the program, free.
- Days five and eight: what the program is, what it costs, and what's different about it.
- Two weeks and a month in: one more thing to try, and a short word on the program. The one at a month is the last email.
“Keeping my cool when they push it.”
- The kids you're thinking about
- When it usually comes up
- What gets in the way
The next time you raise your voice at your kid, go back within the hour and say the three sentences: "I yelled. That wasn't fair. You didn't deserve that." Nothing after "but." If it doesn't happen tonight, keep the sentences ready, and use them if there's an old one you never went back to and your kid is old enough to remember it.
That's from day 3 of the program, with the last line made to fit tonight. Day 41 comes back to it later with a longer apology. Why the “but” matters.
You said you're tired. That's why it's one thing, not a list. Every day of the program works the same way: one small thing, and about ten minutes to read and log.
You said you're rushed. Tonight's thing is small: a few words, or ten minutes inside time you already spend with them.
You said you only remember afterwards. That still counts. Noticing late is where noticing starts, and it's why each day of the program ends with one line in a log before bed: afterwards is when you write it.
You said you know the advice but not what to say. That's why each day of the program gives you one specific thing to do or say, not a principle.
Want one thing like this to try every day?
- Eight weeks, about ten minutes a day: a short morning read, one thing to try with your kids, one line in a private log before bed.
- A version for your kid's age: 0–5, 6–13, 14–19, or 20 and up. You pick at setup.
- $149 once. No subscription.
You picked 13–19: there's one for teenagers (14–19).
You picked 20 or older: there's one for grown kids (20 and up).
Full refund within 14 days of buying. Just email us. You don't have to explain or show your log.
Relevant exercises in the program
More of the 56 days, with their real day numbers. Everyone gets the same eight weeks in the same order. These deal most directly with this one.
Today, every time your voice comes out louder or sharper than you meant at home, make a mark: a tally on your hand, a scrap of paper in your pocket. Note the time and where you were. Don't try to change the pattern yet; counting is today's new practice. If you yelled at your kid, still go back with day three's three sentences.
Once today, when irritation flashes with your kid, ask one question: what moved first? The chest, the jaw, the hands, the heat in the face. Find it before you find the words. If you can, do one small thing with your body right then: unclench your hands, or take one step back. If you only notice afterward, that counts too: replay the moment tonight and find what moved first.
Once today, when you're heated with your kid, don't wait to cool down. Say what you needed to say in one sentence, quieter and shorter than you want to. With a little one, get down to their level first, if they're not backing away. With an older kid, sit down, or stand beside them instead of over them. If you can't do it without shouting, take the minute and come back.
Draft one plain apology in the letter tool. Cut everything after every "but." Send it when you're ready, not when it's perfect.
“I've read advice before and didn't stick with it.”
Most dads have. Advice is a principle you're meant to remember in the moment. This is smaller: one thing to try each day, then one line in a private log before bed, answering that day's question. On day 3 it's this:
Day 3 · the line before bedDid it happen today? If it did: how many minutes from yelling to the three sentences? Leave it blank if you haven't said them yet.
That's the whole daily task. The log is how you see what actually happened, night after night, instead of trying to remember a book.
How it works after you pay
- Right after
- You're signed in, you answer a few quick setup questions, and day one opens.
- Each day
- A new day opens each morning, for 56 days. Miss one and it waits. No streak to break.
- Where
- Your phone's browser, or a computer. No app to install.
- How long
- Everything stays open after the eight weeks, for as long as we run the program.
- Your kids
- Never involved. Nothing you write goes to them.
- Help
- Email daniel@thebetterfather.com.
Eight weeks. About ten minutes a day. $149 once. No subscription.
Full refund within 14 days of buying. Just email us. You don't have to explain or show your log.
Not ready to buy? Read day five free
Ray is an AI chat inside the program, named after Ray, the grandfather in Daniel's book Nobody's Watching. Ask him about your day. Optional: the read, the thing to try and the log all work without him.
Your quiz answers aren't kept with anything that identifies you, unless you ask for the emails: then we keep your email address and your answers so we can send them. They're never sent to advertisers. Privacy
“Putting my phone down for them.”
- The kids you're thinking about
- When it usually comes up
- What gets in the way
For the two hours before your kid's bedtime tonight, put your phone in another room. Keep your usual rules about their screens; tonight is about yours. With a little one, that's usually dinner, bath and bedtime. With an older kid, it's the stretch when they're most likely to wander in and talk. If you're waiting on a call or need a recipe, leave the sound up and walk to it.
That's from day 11 of the program.
You said you're tired. That's why it's one thing, not a list. Every day of the program works the same way: one small thing, and about ten minutes to read and log.
You said you're rushed. Tonight's thing is small: a few words, or ten minutes inside time you already spend with them.
You said you only remember afterwards. That still counts. Noticing late is where noticing starts, and it's why each day of the program ends with one line in a log before bed: afterwards is when you write it.
You said you know the advice but not what to say. That's why each day of the program gives you one specific thing to do or say, not a principle.
Want one thing like this to try every day?
- Eight weeks, about ten minutes a day: a short morning read, one thing to try with your kids, one line in a private log before bed.
- A version for your kid's age: 0–5, 6–13, 14–19, or 20 and up. You pick at setup.
- $149 once. No subscription.
You picked 13–19: there's one for teenagers (14–19).
You picked 20 or older: there's one for grown kids (20 and up).
Full refund within 14 days of buying. Just email us. You don't have to explain or show your log.
Relevant exercises in the program
More of the 56 days, with their real day numbers. Everyone gets the same eight weeks in the same order. These deal most directly with this one.
Tonight, spend ten minutes side by side with your kid, doing something with your hands, and don't ask for a report on their day. With a little one: blocks, a puzzle, drawing next to them, washing the dishes together. With an older kid: an errand in the car, shooting hoops, cooking something. If they bring something up, follow it and keep your hands busy. If they don't, that's fine too. Before bed, write down three things the two of you could do over the next few weeks that need two sets of hands, and that they might actually want to do.
One session on the project: fifteen minutes with a little one, longer with an older kid. Ask the card once, or skip it. Receive whatever comes back.
“I've read advice before and didn't stick with it.”
Most dads have. Advice is a principle you're meant to remember in the moment. This is smaller: one thing to try each day, then one line in a private log before bed, answering that day's question. On day 11 it's this:
Day 11 · the line before bedWhat did you reach for, and what happened in the gap where the phone used to be?
That's the whole daily task. The log is how you see what actually happened, night after night, instead of trying to remember a book.
How it works after you pay
- Right after
- You're signed in, you answer a few quick setup questions, and day one opens.
- Each day
- A new day opens each morning, for 56 days. Miss one and it waits. No streak to break.
- Where
- Your phone's browser, or a computer. No app to install.
- How long
- Everything stays open after the eight weeks, for as long as we run the program.
- Your kids
- Never involved. Nothing you write goes to them.
- Help
- Email daniel@thebetterfather.com.
Eight weeks. About ten minutes a day. $149 once. No subscription.
Full refund within 14 days of buying. Just email us. You don't have to explain or show your log.
Not ready to buy? Read day five free
Ray is an AI chat inside the program, named after Ray, the grandfather in Daniel's book Nobody's Watching. Ask him about your day. Optional: the read, the thing to try and the log all work without him.
Your quiz answers aren't kept with anything that identifies you, unless you ask for the emails: then we keep your email address and your answers so we can send them. They're never sent to advertisers. Privacy
“Leaving work stress at the door.”
- The kids you're thinking about
- When it usually comes up
- What gets in the way
If work is coming home with you tonight, say one sentence in the first minute after you walk in that makes clear it isn't about them. With a little one: "Daddy had a hard day. I need five minutes, then I'm coming to play." With an older kid: "Rough day at work. You didn't do anything. Give me ten minutes, then I want to hear about yours." Then come back when you said you would. If nobody else can cover the five minutes, skip the break: say the sentence and stay. If you work from home, the walk in the door is the walk out of your office.
That's from day 4 of the program, where the sentence at the door first comes up. Day 52 goes back to the front door near the end of the eight weeks.
You said you're tired. That's why it's one thing, not a list. Every day of the program works the same way: one small thing, and about ten minutes to read and log.
You said you're rushed. Tonight's thing is small: a few words, or ten minutes inside time you already spend with them.
You said you only remember afterwards. That still counts. Noticing late is where noticing starts, and it's why each day of the program ends with one line in a log before bed: afterwards is when you write it.
You said you know the advice but not what to say. That's why each day of the program gives you one specific thing to do or say, not a principle.
Want one thing like this to try every day?
- Eight weeks, about ten minutes a day: a short morning read, one thing to try with your kids, one line in a private log before bed.
- A version for your kid's age: 0–5, 6–13, 14–19, or 20 and up. You pick at setup.
- $149 once. No subscription.
You picked 13–19: there's one for teenagers (14–19).
You picked 20 or older: there's one for grown kids (20 and up).
Full refund within 14 days of buying. Just email us. You don't have to explain or show your log.
Relevant exercises in the program
More of the 56 days, with their real day numbers. Everyone gets the same eight weeks in the same order. These deal most directly with this one.
Once today, when irritation flashes with your kid, ask one question: what moved first? The chest, the jaw, the hands, the heat in the face. Find it before you find the words. If you can, do one small thing with your body right then: unclench your hands, or take one step back. If you only notice afterward, that counts too: replay the moment tonight and find what moved first.
Before you walk into your house tonight, stop at the door for one breath and ask: what weather am I bringing in? Then walk in on purpose. With a little one: if they come running, get down to their height for the first minute, before your bag, your phone or the mail. With an older kid: say hi to them before you say anything about shoes, homework or the mess. If the weather's bad, say so in one plain sentence that makes clear it isn't about them. If you work from home, the door is the one out of your office.
“I've read advice before and didn't stick with it.”
Most dads have. Advice is a principle you're meant to remember in the moment. This is smaller: one thing to try each day, then one line in a private log before bed, answering that day's question. On day 4 it's this:
Day 4 · the line before bedWhat did you say at the door, and did you come back when you said?
That's the whole daily task. The log is how you see what actually happened, night after night, instead of trying to remember a book.
How it works after you pay
- Right after
- You're signed in, you answer a few quick setup questions, and day one opens.
- Each day
- A new day opens each morning, for 56 days. Miss one and it waits. No streak to break.
- Where
- Your phone's browser, or a computer. No app to install.
- How long
- Everything stays open after the eight weeks, for as long as we run the program.
- Your kids
- Never involved. Nothing you write goes to them.
- Help
- Email daniel@thebetterfather.com.
Eight weeks. About ten minutes a day. $149 once. No subscription.
Full refund within 14 days of buying. Just email us. You don't have to explain or show your log.
Not ready to buy? Read day five free
Ray is an AI chat inside the program, named after Ray, the grandfather in Daniel's book Nobody's Watching. Ask him about your day. Optional: the read, the thing to try and the log all work without him.
Your quiz answers aren't kept with anything that identifies you, unless you ask for the emails: then we keep your email address and your answers so we can send them. They're never sent to advertisers. Privacy
“Getting more than ‘Fine.’ out of them.”
- The kids you're thinking about
- When it usually comes up
- What gets in the way
Tonight, spend ten minutes side by side with your kid, doing something with your hands, and don't ask for a report on their day. With a little one: blocks, a puzzle, drawing next to them, washing the dishes together. With an older kid: an errand in the car, shooting hoops, cooking something. If they bring something up, follow it and keep your hands busy. If they don't, that's fine too. Before bed, write down three things the two of you could do over the next few weeks that need two sets of hands, and that they might actually want to do.
That's from day 5 of the program.
You said you're tired. That's why it's one thing, not a list. Every day of the program works the same way: one small thing, and about ten minutes to read and log.
You said you're rushed. Tonight's thing is small: a few words, or ten minutes inside time you already spend with them.
You said you only remember afterwards. That still counts. Noticing late is where noticing starts, and it's why each day of the program ends with one line in a log before bed: afterwards is when you write it.
You said you know the advice but not what to say. That's why each day of the program gives you one specific thing to do or say, not a principle.
Want one thing like this to try every day?
- Eight weeks, about ten minutes a day: a short morning read, one thing to try with your kids, one line in a private log before bed.
- A version for your kid's age: 0–5, 6–13, 14–19, or 20 and up. You pick at setup.
- $149 once. No subscription.
You picked 13–19: there's one for teenagers (14–19).
You picked 20 or older: there's one for grown kids (20 and up).
Full refund within 14 days of buying. Just email us. You don't have to explain or show your log.
Relevant exercises in the program
More of the 56 days, with their real day numbers. Everyone gets the same eight weeks in the same order. These deal most directly with this one.
Choose the project and fill in the tool below. Then ask your kid, in one sentence, with no speech attached. If they say yes and it can start tonight, start it: ten or twenty minutes is plenty. If it can't, agree on the time together.
One session on the project: fifteen minutes with a little one, longer with an older kid. Ask the card once, or skip it. Receive whatever comes back.
“I've read advice before and didn't stick with it.”
Most dads have. Advice is a principle you're meant to remember in the moment. This is smaller: one thing to try each day, then one line in a private log before bed, answering that day's question. On day 5 it's this:
Day 5 · the line before bedWhat you did side by side, anything that came out, and three possible projects.
That's the whole daily task. The log is how you see what actually happened, night after night, instead of trying to remember a book.
How it works after you pay
- Right after
- You're signed in, you answer a few quick setup questions, and day one opens.
- Each day
- A new day opens each morning, for 56 days. Miss one and it waits. No streak to break.
- Where
- Your phone's browser, or a computer. No app to install.
- How long
- Everything stays open after the eight weeks, for as long as we run the program.
- Your kids
- Never involved. Nothing you write goes to them.
- Help
- Email daniel@thebetterfather.com.
Eight weeks. About ten minutes a day. $149 once. No subscription.
Full refund within 14 days of buying. Just email us. You don't have to explain or show your log.
Not ready to buy? Read day five free
Ray is an AI chat inside the program, named after Ray, the grandfather in Daniel's book Nobody's Watching. Ask him about your day. Optional: the read, the thing to try and the log all work without him.
Your quiz answers aren't kept with anything that identifies you, unless you ask for the emails: then we keep your email address and your answers so we can send them. They're never sent to advertisers. Privacy
“Doing it differently than my dad did.”
- The kids you're thinking about
- When it usually comes up
- What gets in the way
Write down the line your dad used when he was angry, the one you've heard yourself say or come close to. (If that doesn't fit, use any line you catch yourself saying and don't like.) Under it, write the line you want to say instead, short enough to say when you're hot. For example: "I'm getting loud. I'm going to stop and try again." With a little one, keep it to a few words. Then, when the heat comes up with your kid today, reach for your line.
That's from day 10 of the program.
You said you're tired. That's why it's one thing, not a list. Every day of the program works the same way: one small thing, and about ten minutes to read and log.
You said you're rushed. Tonight's thing is small: a few words, or ten minutes inside time you already spend with them.
You said you only remember afterwards. That still counts. Noticing late is where noticing starts, and it's why each day of the program ends with one line in a log before bed: afterwards is when you write it.
You said you know the advice but not what to say. That's why each day of the program gives you one specific thing to do or say, not a principle.
Want one thing like this to try every day?
- Eight weeks, about ten minutes a day: a short morning read, one thing to try with your kids, one line in a private log before bed.
- A version for your kid's age: 0–5, 6–13, 14–19, or 20 and up. You pick at setup.
- $149 once. No subscription.
You picked 13–19: there's one for teenagers (14–19).
You picked 20 or older: there's one for grown kids (20 and up).
Full refund within 14 days of buying. Just email us. You don't have to explain or show your log.
Relevant exercises in the program
More of the 56 days, with their real day numbers. Everyone gets the same eight weeks in the same order. These deal most directly with this one.
Open the chain map below. Fill in what you know about your grandfather, your father and yourself. "Unknown" is an honest answer, and so is "steady." If your dad wasn't around, use whoever raised you. Leave your kid's box for this evening. Watch one moment that goes wrong for your kid, and listen for your own words in their mouth. With a little one: listen to how they talk to a stuffed animal or a younger sibling when they're playing the grown-up. With an older kid: watch what they do when they lose a game or get a bad grade. Do they get loud, explain, go to their room, shrug it off? Then fill in their box, with no verdict.
Take one sentence you were handed, from your chain map or from your own mouth, and ask all three questions in writing. Is it still true? Was it ever? Who would I be if I put it down? Then, this evening, when the moment comes where that sentence would usually decide what you say to your kid, do what your answer to the third question would do, once. With a little one: if the sentence is "stop crying," try "That's sad," and give them a minute. With an older kid: if it's "don't talk back," hear their side once, all the way through, before you answer. The rule itself can stay the same. If the sentence turns out to be one you'd keep, say it to your kid on purpose.
“I've read advice before and didn't stick with it.”
Most dads have. Advice is a principle you're meant to remember in the moment. This is smaller: one thing to try each day, then one line in a private log before bed, answering that day's question. On day 10 it's this:
Day 10 · the line before bedA catch: the old line, the new one, and which one came out.
That's the whole daily task. The log is how you see what actually happened, night after night, instead of trying to remember a book.
How it works after you pay
- Right after
- You're signed in, you answer a few quick setup questions, and day one opens.
- Each day
- A new day opens each morning, for 56 days. Miss one and it waits. No streak to break.
- Where
- Your phone's browser, or a computer. No app to install.
- How long
- Everything stays open after the eight weeks, for as long as we run the program.
- Your kids
- Never involved. Nothing you write goes to them.
- Help
- Email daniel@thebetterfather.com.
Eight weeks. About ten minutes a day. $149 once. No subscription.
Full refund within 14 days of buying. Just email us. You don't have to explain or show your log.
Not ready to buy? Read day five free
Ray is an AI chat inside the program, named after Ray, the grandfather in Daniel's book Nobody's Watching. Ask him about your day. Optional: the read, the thing to try and the log all work without him.
Your quiz answers aren't kept with anything that identifies you, unless you ask for the emails: then we keep your email address and your answers so we can send them. They're never sent to advertisers. Privacy
“Having patience left by evening.”
- The kids you're thinking about
- When it usually comes up
- What gets in the way
First, name your low hour: the time of day you're most likely to snap. Then give your kid ten minutes where they lead, before that hour or inside it, whichever you can manage. With a little one, get on the floor and be whatever the game needs: the customer, the monster, the bridge the cars drive over. With an older kid, ask them to show you something they're into (a game, a video, a song, a drawing). Questions are fine if they want them; skip the advice and the critique. Ten minutes. Then you're done.
That's from day 2 of the program.
You said you're tired. That's why it's one thing, not a list. Every day of the program works the same way: one small thing, and about ten minutes to read and log.
You said you're rushed. Tonight's thing is small: a few words, or ten minutes inside time you already spend with them.
You said you only remember afterwards. That still counts. Noticing late is where noticing starts, and it's why each day of the program ends with one line in a log before bed: afterwards is when you write it.
You said you know the advice but not what to say. That's why each day of the program gives you one specific thing to do or say, not a principle.
Want one thing like this to try every day?
- Eight weeks, about ten minutes a day: a short morning read, one thing to try with your kids, one line in a private log before bed.
- A version for your kid's age: 0–5, 6–13, 14–19, or 20 and up. You pick at setup.
- $149 once. No subscription.
You picked 13–19: there's one for teenagers (14–19).
You picked 20 or older: there's one for grown kids (20 and up).
Full refund within 14 days of buying. Just email us. You don't have to explain or show your log.
Relevant exercises in the program
More of the 56 days, with their real day numbers. Everyone gets the same eight weeks in the same order. These deal most directly with this one.
Today, name it at least three times, in three words or fewer, before you answer your kid. There's the heat. Running on empty. There's the lock. Then deal with whatever's in front of you. Once, say it out loud in kid-sized words. With a little one: when the milk goes over or bedtime starts slipping, "Daddy's getting grumpy. I'm going to take a breath." Then the paper towels, or the next step of bedtime. With an older kid: when the eye-roll lands or the homework fight starts, "I'm getting frustrated. Give me a minute." Then come back and finish the conversation.
Tonight, after your kid is asleep, if "I'm failing at this" shows up, write it down. Under it, write one plain fact about tonight: something you did, said or got through with your kid. With a little one it might be "We did bath. I sang the song." With an older kid, "She told me about the bus ride." Just one, and it has to be true. If the thought doesn't show up, write the fact anyway. Then tell one adult one true thing about how being a dad is going: your partner, a friend, your brother, another dad at pickup. It doesn't have to be the heaviest thing. It just has to be true.
“I've read advice before and didn't stick with it.”
Most dads have. Advice is a principle you're meant to remember in the moment. This is smaller: one thing to try each day, then one line in a private log before bed, answering that day's question. On day 2 it's this:
Day 2 · the line before bedWhat's your low hour? And what happened in the ten minutes?
That's the whole daily task. The log is how you see what actually happened, night after night, instead of trying to remember a book.
How it works after you pay
- Right after
- You're signed in, you answer a few quick setup questions, and day one opens.
- Each day
- A new day opens each morning, for 56 days. Miss one and it waits. No streak to break.
- Where
- Your phone's browser, or a computer. No app to install.
- How long
- Everything stays open after the eight weeks, for as long as we run the program.
- Your kids
- Never involved. Nothing you write goes to them.
- Help
- Email daniel@thebetterfather.com.
Eight weeks. About ten minutes a day. $149 once. No subscription.
Full refund within 14 days of buying. Just email us. You don't have to explain or show your log.
Not ready to buy? Read day five free
Ray is an AI chat inside the program, named after Ray, the grandfather in Daniel's book Nobody's Watching. Ask him about your day. Optional: the read, the thing to try and the log all work without him.
Your quiz answers aren't kept with anything that identifies you, unless you ask for the emails: then we keep your email address and your answers so we can send them. They're never sent to advertisers. Privacy
It gives you one place to start.
Six things dads say are hardest.
Pick the one that's hardest right now and you'll get one thing to try tonight. Or read about any of them first.
Questions about the quiz
Is my answer saved anywhere?
Not on our server, unless you ask for the emails. When you finish, the page sends your answers to our server, which adds one to a daily count of finished quizzes, by result and by the tag on the link you came in on (such as fb or threads), and keeps nothing else from them. To stop abuse, the server also counts requests by IP address, and those counts are deleted after about two days. Your own browser remembers the tag you came in on and the first page you opened here, and holds an answer you tapped on a guide page only until the quiz opens. Nothing you pick here is ever sent to advertisers. What we keep, and why →
Is this a psychological test?
No. It's four questions about what's hardest for you right now, and it hands back one thing to try. It doesn't diagnose anything or score you. If you're worried about your anger or your mood, a counselor or your doctor is the right place to start.
Will it tell me if I'm a good dad?
No, and nothing honest can in four questions. It describes the answers you gave today, and gives you one place to start.
What happens after?
You'll see one thing to try tonight and the days of the program that deal with it. If you want more, The Better Father is an eight-week daily practice, $149 once. You can read all of day five free before you decide.