First-Time Dad Tips: What New Dads Should Know, Year One

The short answer

Learn the basic care before the baby comes, then do it, every day, from the first week: diapers, baths, settling, a night shift. Take as much leave as you can and use it to run the house so your partner can recover and feed. Guard the first weeks from too many visitors. Learn safe sleep and never shake a baby. Expect the nights to be hard for months, and split them on purpose. Keep one job with the baby that's yours after you go back to work. And watch both of you for signs that it's more than tired.

What should I do before the baby comes?

Put the car seat in now, and have it checked. Many fire stations and hospitals will check it for free. You'll need it to leave the hospital.
Practice the basics. A diaper on a doll or a rolled towel, a swaddle, how to hold a head that can't hold itself up. A class helps if you can get to one.
Sort out your leave. Find out what your job gives you, ask for it in writing, and plan your work so it can run without you for a while.
Stock the house. Diapers in two sizes, wipes, a few days of food in the freezer, and whatever she's asked for.
Ask her what she wants from you during the birth and the first weeks. Then you'll know, instead of guessing at 3 a.m.

What should I do in the first two weeks?

Your main job is everything that isn't feeding. She's recovering from a birth and feeding around the clock. You can run the house: meals, dishes, laundry, the dog, the phone calls, the paperwork.

Do the baby care too. Every diaper you can get to, the bath, the burp and settle after a feed. You get good at it by doing it, and the first weeks are when it's set who does what.
Run the door. Visitors who help are great. Visitors who need to be hosted, or want to hold the baby while she does the dishes, can wait. Saying no to them is your job.
Hold the baby skin to skin. Shirt off, baby on your chest. It's one of the easiest ways for a new dad to feel connected. How to bond with your baby as a dad →

What do I need to know about safe sleep?

The standard advice from pediatricians: baby on their back, on a firm, flat surface of their own, like a crib or bassinet, with nothing else in it. No pillows, bumpers, blankets or stuffed animals. Room-sharing is fine; sleeping with the baby on the couch or in an armchair is not. If you're exhausted while holding the baby at night, put them down in the crib before you nod off. Ask your pediatrician if you have questions about your situation.

How do we get through the nights?

Split them on purpose so each of you gets one stretch of real sleep. If she's breastfeeding, you can take the change and settle after a feed, or take the baby for the early morning so she sleeps. If there's a bottle, take one feed yourself, often the late evening one, and go to bed early. Agree on the plan in the afternoon, not at 2 a.m. when you're both too tired to be fair.

Many babies cry more around the second month, often in the evening, and then it eases off. It doesn't mean you're doing something wrong.

What if the crying gets to me?

It gets to everybody. If you feel yourself getting angry or desperate, put the baby down on their back in the crib, close the door, and step away for a few minutes. A baby crying in a safe crib is okay. Then go back.

Never shake a baby, not even for a second. It can cause brain damage or death. If you're getting close to that line, put the baby down and call for help.

When should I call the doctor?

Ask your pediatrician at the first visit what they want a call about, and save the number. Any fever in a young baby, trouble breathing, a baby who won't feed, fewer wet diapers than usual, or a baby who's floppy or hard to wake are common reasons to call right away. If you're worried and not sure, call. They'd rather hear from you.

What changes in months two to six?

They start looking back. Smiles, sounds, following your face. Many dads say this is when it got easier to feel close.
You'll probably go back to work. Keep one job that's yours every day: the bath, the bedtime book, the first change in the morning. Coming home from work stressed →
Play, at their size. Face to face from close up, copying their sounds, tummy time on your chest, talking about what you're doing.
Spend time alone with the baby. A walk, a Saturday morning, an afternoon. You'll do it differently from her, and that's fine.

What changes in months six to twelve?

Food. Most babies start solids around six months. Learn what your pediatrician says about it, and take some of the meals. It's messy and it's fun.
Moving. Rolling, sitting, crawling, pulling up. Get down on the floor and look at the room from their height. Gates on the stairs, covers on outlets, cords and cleaning stuff up high, heavy furniture strapped to the wall.
Clinginess. Many babies start crying when a parent leaves the room. That's a sign they know who you are, not a problem.
Routine. A bath, a book and bed at about the same time each night helps everyone. Make one part of it yours.

What about my partner and me?

Expect to be short with each other. You're both tired, and nobody has time to talk. Ten minutes a day that isn't about the baby, even over dinner on the couch, helps. Say thanks for the things she does. Ask what would help instead of guessing.

Watch for signs it's more than tired, in her and in you. Feeling numb, hopeless or cut off for weeks, crying a lot, not sleeping even when the baby does, thoughts of hurting herself or the baby, or drinking more to cope are reasons to call the doctor. Dads can get depressed after a baby too. Asking for help then isn't weakness; it's looking after the people who need you.

Is there something to do today?

If the baby isn't here yet: put the car seat in and ask her what she wants from you in the first week. If the baby's here: pick one job that's yours, like the bath or the first change in the morning, and do it today and every day after.

Most courses for dads stop around the first birthday. When your kid is older and the questions change to tantrums, listening and temper, here's what's out there for dads of older kids.

Not sure where to start?

The free quiz for dads takes about a minute: pick what's hardest right now and get one thing to try tonight. If it's the lack of sleep, here's that page. The Better Father comes in versions by your kid's age, including one for dads of kids up to five, built around bedtime, meltdowns and the long days. It's $149 once. Full refund within 14 days of buying. Just email us. You don't have to explain or show your log. See the four versions →

First-time dad tips: what new dads should know in the first year